December School Holidays

Yes, it is this time of the year where our children is having a big break from school....!

Since Jason just sat for his 'O' level exams., and he has studied so hard for it..... he wants to just relax and play.....

We talked about his working during the holidays but since he did not show that much interest, I decided not to push him into it.

So far, he has been on 3 short trips...
- Visited his grandparents in Penang, Malaysia
- Flew to Vietnam with his classmates, a reward that they won for being the Best Class for 2 consecutive years
- Took a coach to Ipoh, Malaysia to attend the last day dinner of a Leadership seminar through his school too

Other than that, he has been playing basketball, street soccer and watching movies with his friends....

He also continue doing some athletics training with his school and won the 4oom individual run yesterday at a friendly meet.

Well, I would say he is almost out every other day ...... so we are ok with it as long as he keeps us well informed of his activities and friends that he is hanging out with.

We have also booked a chalet and BBQ pit for him at Downtown East on the eve of New Year as he wanted to celebrate it with his friends...

We also bought him a Xbox 360 with 2 games, FIFA 10 and HALO 3, so that he can stay home more often and also invite a few friends over too. So this is his early Xmas present too!

Yes, no enrichment class, tuition, etc......... This is one holiday that he is as free as a bird...

He would have taken up drum lessons too but it only starts in Jan 2010.

Well, I think he deserves this break before he goes into JC or Poly depending on his results and his interest that he wants to pursue.

So parents, remember to take a break yourself too......

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year....

David

Mandarin & PSLE

There is some debate on how Mandarin has been taught in primary schools and the proposed changes to be made, to keep up with today's needs.

Parents have also written to the Press and commended the new proposal + sharing their problems their kids were facing that led them to uproot their family to overseas so that the kids can avoid learning Mandarin.

Similarly, for having to take PSLE exams too.

Jason has 2 primary school classmates that have taken that move; one went to Perth and the other to Geelong in Australia. Both are doing well and really enjoying the education system there.

Jason was also having difficulty with his Mandarin and was not motivated to learn it. Initially, he even said that he was not Chinese too....... so why learned Mandarin when he speaks English daily....?

So what did I do?

Well, before I share with you my experience, I want to state that those family who have chosen to emigrate or migrate, have their reasons and I am not saying that they are wrong.

Sometimes there is no perfect or right answer but it is a choice or decision that you choose.

As you know, I did my 'A' level and degree in Melbourne and I have a brother and a sister living there too. So it should not be too difficult for us to migrate there too.

But we feel that Singapore is a great place to have an education and a safe place too, It is tough, no doubt but my wife and I feel that it is better to try to overcome the problem instead of uprooting the family to another foreign place to start all over again.

Some of the things that we did to help Jason in his Mandarin were ....
- tuition, of course!
- we watch TV8 Chinese series
- we tried to converse in Mandarin as much as possible though not very successful at times
- etc....

It was a family effort and since my wife is bilingual, she also read with Jason in the evenings too.

You know, I actually improved my Mandarin too as I was a Malaysian so Mandarin was not compulsory and not my 2nd language.

Jason passed his Mandarin exam. for 'O' level in Jun 09 and we are so happy for him.

However, he still does not like learning the language and does not realise the importance of it, with China progressing and opening up these days.

Well, one step at a time......

Happy parenting......

David

Fathers Action Network (FAN)

This Fathers Action Network (FAN), a newly formed network is funded by the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS).

FAN is to drive the "Dads for Life Movement" that aims to get fathers more involved with their children.

Mr Richard Seow, the chairman of FAN, says that FAN want to make people aware issues of fatherhood, and to get them to make a commitment to spend time with their family and kids.

Mr Seow further said that " Whether it's values, work ethic or sex education, you can't expect schools to take over. Don't outsource the fathering, don't let Game Boy or the Xbox take away the time the father should be spending with the child".

I totally agree with the statement above.

During our younger days, our fathers are busy working and our mothers are solely responsible for our upbringing but there are also fathers who still managed to spend sufficient time with their children.

Unfortunately, I was brought up by mainly by grandma and aunties in Penang as my parents lived all over Malaysia due to his job postings. As there were less external distractions and having a very strict grandma, my siblings and I turned out reasonably well.

But having said that, we do not have many memories of times we spent with our parents. Sad but this was due to the circumstances then.

Glad to say that my siblings & I are spending much more time with our own children.

However, it is still very true that the husband is seen as the one working his ass off to bring home the bacon.

And many fathers think that it is not their responsible to care for their children and it is mother's job.

Anyway, the world has changed and the children does need their fathers too.

Happy Parenting.....!

David

Born Innocent

Hi,

This was the main feature in this week, Mind Your Body; a supplement that comes with The Strait Times.

It mentioned that experiences, environment and society will shape a child's perception of what is right and wrong, according to a psychologist.

I totally agreed with the editor that we, parents, should be a busybody for our children's sake.

In case you missed it, here is a summary of some key messages....

Consistency is key to imparting values you want your child to have.

Here is a few pointers on how parents can influence their children's moral values:

- Show, do not just tell
Younger children understand the concepts of love and care best in the form of hugs, kisses and other forms of physical intimacy.

- Engage his empathy
We should use feeling laden statements to reinforce the child's ideas about what is right; eg. You were so kind when you shared your cookies with your classmates.

- Dig behind the bad behaviour
Children sometimes behave badly to test the limits, to express their anger or to seek attention.

- Do as I do, do as I say
Parents need to share their values with their children. How parents behave also modifies the child's perceptions of right and wrong.

- Teach accountability
Children should learn that their actions have consequences. Typical children will show remorse, feel guilt and learn from their mistakes.

I know most of us may feel that it is easy said than done but you must find the time and commitments to want to do it, in the first place.

Happy parenting........!

David

'O' Level Examination 2009

Hi,

Jas just started sitting for his 'O' level examination and it will only end on 13 Nov 09.

Based on some discussion with my friends, I was surprised to find that 'O' level exam. was considered the toughest of all exam; ie even 'A' level, Poly or University exam. are considered easier...!

Well, it does not really matters as I know that Jas was motivated and has put in considerably effort over the past few months.

Whatever the outcome, we will shop for the next level of education..... JC or Poly.

Importantly, he has put in his efforts and did not laze around or has bad attitude towards the preparation for his exam.

So we are proud of him and we believe his efforts will pay off in due time.

So parents out there, be supportive and not be so 'kiasu' about the whole episode of exam.

I was a bit annoyed when I read in the papers that the PSLE Maths paper was tough and some children + their parents were upset about it.

Come on, the children has to learn how to deal with such circumstances and move on to the next exam. paper.

Besides, if it is true, the authorities will moderate the results else there could be more than 50% failure rate....... and it would not be allowed.

Anyway, good luck to all the 'O' level students though it is more on your efforts than luck...!

David

Find Time For Your Kids

Hi,

I was walking past our nearby park with my wife the other day and noticed my son playing street soccer by himself.

Immediately, I told my wife that I would like to have a game with him as I used to teach him soccer when he was 6 or 7 years old. Though it was against my doctor's advice on not to play impact sports due to my back left knee.

I just could not help it as it brought back memories of our time spent on the soccer field.

I was not properly attired for it but I told myself that I will take it lightly and just be the goalkeeper.

But.....

We ended up playing a simple one-on-one street soccer instead. I broke my old slippers and played bare footed...... also, could feel the pressure exerted on my left knee and I was not even wearing a knee guard to protect it.......

Suicidal ....?

Well, I enjoyed myself and have a good workout though I did not go all out at all .......

Importantly, Jason and I enjoyed ourselves and I have not lost touch of my soccer skills.....ha...ha....

Jason was also kind and did not rough me up .... and he always went to pick up the soccer ball when I kicked it out of court even though it was on my side of it.

In short, do find time to play with your kids ....... good for bonding and some physical exercise too!

Here is a photo of me and Jack taken inside the street soccer court wen we had a break. Jack was having his walk and we let him in for a short while but he was not interested to play with us.....ha.....ha....

I have a bit of soreness on my left knee and lower back but it was worth it........

David

Give Your Children Support In Their School Exams.

Hi,

It is that time of the year again but Jason is sitting for his 'O' level exams. in about a month's time.

It is well known that when the children are having exams., the parents also get stressed or even more stressed than their own kids......ha.....ha......

Yes, I have been through it but we must learned to let go eventually and just be there to support them...... by encouraging them and ensuring that they have enough rest too....

What do I mean?

Guide them to adopt a systematic approach to studying for their exams and not a last minute rush. Teach and help them to come out with a schedule for revision and eventually they should be able to do it themselves.

Encourage them to study wisely but also let them have some free time to rest their brains.....eg they should still exercise or watch TV, etc.....

Jason sometimes asked me to wake him up after 30 minutes of power nap but then when he could not wake up, I just let him sleep on as it seems like he needed the rest badly. He has overslept for more than an hour a few times.

I told him that I rather he be healthy and well rested than struggled to study if his body and mind are not up to it.

I was more hands on and gave more guidance when Jason was in primary school but I gave him more independence when he started his secondary schooling.

I was pleased when he handed me a revision schedule last night and asked me to help put it into the PC and print it out for him. Well, my efforts in teaching him to do a revision schedule has paid off.

Many a times, I re-assure him that no matter what results he gets, as long as he tries his best and gives his best shot, we are happy and supportive of his actions. We will then move on and look at the options available for his next stage of education; eg JC or Polytechnic.

I know it is tough to let go at times and the tendency to nag at them when you see them not studying enough from your perspectives.

Lay the foundation well when they are young and they should be able to manage it on their own.

Happy Parenting.....

David

A Family Should Have 2 Children

Hi,

In some countries, there are restrictions on the number of children that a family should have due to their own specific reasons.

Eg. China has such a policy due to their large population. Singapore used to discourage you from having more than 2 kids in the past.

Recently, I have been busy flying to and fro Penang to help care for my parents especially my mother who is recovering from her mild stroke.

My elder brother and younger sister, who are living in Australia, also flew back to take turns to care for them too.

During one of my trips back to Penang, my wife was explaining or updating my only son, 16 years old only, about our rotation duty or what I called as 'tour of duty'.

Surprisingly, Jason said that he is the only son in our family so how to rotate then.... if we need any care in our old age...?

This was discussed again when I was home over dinner and Jason finally said that hopefully, we will be living in the same country as him......!

Yes, it is indeed true that if you only have one child the responsibilities or burden will be very heavy on that one person.

In fact, a friend of mine even mentioned it to me when we decided to stop at one child.

Most of us always think that it is either too expensive to have another child or that it would not be fair to the second child as we are not already spending enough time with the 1st child so how to cope with another one....!

At least, this is typical of Singaporean lifestyle.........sigh

BUT, after my own experience of taking care of my parents, I think it is better to have at least 2 children so that the siblings can approach each other for help or discussion.

A spouse is never the same as your own sibling when it comes to your own family issues involving your parents.

Think about it....... seriously!

David

P.S. My elder brother is now in Pg for 3 weeks, followed by my younger sister for 1 month. My elder sister is retiring early so that she can go back to Pg to live with our parents from Nov 09 onwards. I have been flying back to Penang to monthly to take my parents for their doctors' appointment and also when needed.

Husbands Like To Be Respected & Wives Loved

Hi,

I attended a church wedding and the pastor shared with us, based on his years of counselling, that Husbands like to be Respected and Wives like to be Loved.

If we can do it well, our marriage will definitely last long.

This is important and you may thinking that this has nothing to do with bringing up your children....?

If you think so, you are wrong!

Parents are the nucleus of the family and if the Husband & Wife do not get along or love each other then how can we be a good role model or even love our children well.

So think about it......

Have a good day too!

David

Parents Are Their Children Role Models

Hi,

I just saw an advertisement showing that children is likely to smoke if their parents are smokers.

Why?

I suppose it goes with this saying, Monkey See Monkey Do.....?

How to tell your children that it is wrong to smoke when the parents are smoking right in front of them or when caught smoking behind their backs!

So Parents, please remember that we are all role models to our children.

I like to decide what I am wearing for work and hang my clothes out the night before. So that I do not have to stress my brain too much when I just woke up early in the morning...ha....ha....

I notice that Jason also hangs his school uniform out the evening before though in his case, it is always the same type of clothes for school. He also started to pack his gear required for his CCA too so as not to rush in the early morning and forgets an item.

I asked him why he does so and he replied with the same reason that I mentioned above; being organised.

I believe that I have influenced him by my actions or that he observed and unknowingly adopted my practice too.

So being role models, we must be on our best so that our children will pick up the good habits from us.

Happy parenting!

David

The Family CEO - Building a Happy and Successful Family

Hi,

My wife and I attended a talk on retirement matters and we have this speaker talking about family issues.

He was Simon Sim and we enjoyed his talk tremendously.

I went to look for his book, The Family CEO - Building a Happy and Successful Family, and found it in our Bedok community library.























I found it very easy to read and it is also so localised that we, Singaporeans, should be able to associate with what he wrote.





















There are a few salient points that I remembered from his talk and his book.

One of them was that my wife, or your spouse, is like a 'freehold property' as you will age and retire with her but your kids are 'leasehold property' as they will leave you after 18 or 21 years of age. So invest more time to build a lasting relationship with your spouse than your kids.

I think it is very true though parents tend to make a lot of sacrifices for their kids even if at the expense of their spouses.

Another point is that if we repeat what we say to our kids, they will consider it as nagging! Ha...ha....

And we worry so much about PSLE but we should be focusing on his PSLE which means Please Show Love and Encouragement to your kids instead.

The book is a good read and highly recommended but I cannot totally agree that I would or could follow his approach in bringing up his kids; eg his kids have to pay their own way to tertiary education by working part-time, etc.....

So check it out and happy reading.....

David

Internet - Use It Wisely With Supervision

Hi,

Just like anything, it can be good or bad as it all depends on how one uses it.

So the same for the Internet.

I tried to introduce children games and lessons to Jason when he was young but I must admit that it was not as successful as I hope it to be.

We ended up with him playing games like Age of Empire ( a bit ahead of his time or age ) due to my influence or early expose to him of such games......

But importantly, surf the Net with your kids and teach them to search for things that are relevant to them. Set the guidelines and platform for them.

Eventually in school, as early as Primary classes, they will be encouraged to do research on the Internet for their projects.

Time has changed and they are the what we now can the Digital Natives or they are born and raise in the digital age.

I do not block any sites on all the PCs that Jason has access to as it will only make it more challenging to break through and satisfy his curious mind.

When Internet came into our lives, I myself also have to installed the dial-up modem and explore what it has to offer as I need it for my work, especially in the IT industry.

You cannot block all the sites that you think are not desirable or bad for your kids.
For example, I search for a famous model that came to my mind then and I saw topless photos of her as part of her portfolio so it has nothing to do with keywords like sex, pornography, etc....

So do not freak out if you happen to see such things on the screen but act cool and find out what your kid is up to......

Of course, if the child is addicted to searching for such sites or info then you need to pay more attention to it.

When I was a lecturer, I started to realise the potential of Internet as research can easily be done through the PC from anywhere but it is also a skill to dig for the right information from the right sites; eg Wikipedia is good for some background but may not be factual so you need more reliable sources.

Now, I can almost find anything from the Net to help me with my daily work and chores if necessary.

So you should guide your children to use the Internet wisely and then watch them from afar.

Happy parenting.....

David

Watching TV With Your Kids

Hi,

June school holidays are here in Singapore.

Due to the swine flu, I am sure that we are unlikely to be travelling overseas and take unnecessary chances.

So how to spend your time?

Well, besides going out to shopping malls, zoo, bird park, etc.....I would strongly suggest watching a movie or two or even watching TV at the comfort of your home.

Yes, watching TV!

But you should be selectively in the type of shows that you are watching and also take the opportunities to instill some principles or values in them using the theme of the TV show.

But never use the TV to occupy them so that you can have your own time or do your chores. If you must then do not make it a habit.

To improve our Mandarin, we watch some of the Channel 8 serials and at times we even covered up the English subtitles.

Besides watching sports like EPL soccer which is a great bonding time between father and son, most likely. But my wife does join in too and we have fun cheering for our team... MU!

At one time, we also watch a lot of documentaries like National Geography and we enjoyed it tremendously.

However, you should avoid shows that are too scientific, scary or horror unless your kids is old enough to know what is real or fake. Even if you explain to them, they may be scare and will have an imprint in their mind and it may haunt them.

We used to enjoy watching X-Files together in bed but looking back, I think it was a bad idea. Though I do not notice any bad effect on Jason but I think he was a bit too young for it; below 8 years old.

We have some good moments though; like the movie, Titanic. Though he was only about 4+ then, we explained the story line to him. We love the song so much that we memorised the lyrics and sang it in bed almost every night. The main actor in the show was named Jack and when we got our puppy beagle.... guess what we named it?

Jack the puppy beagle, came into our life!

TV or movies can be a great teaching tool, but only if we use it wisely.

Happy Parenting....

David

Teaching Kids To Follow The Rules

Hi,

I got this FREE report written by Ms Martha Stevens and it is about 15 pages of valuable info that talk about setting rules with your kids.

Yes, I still research and do some reading to search for truths or experiences of others so as to ascertain whether I have guided Jason accordingly or there are new approaches that I can adopt or try out.

You can go to right hand column and click on link The Greatest Parenting Secret in History Revealed by a Mother of Five! and registered for it.

Hope you will find it useful too, I did!

David

Cool Parenting Tips

Hi,

Please visit this website to subscribe to a FREE newsletter and other goodies like a download of a copy of "Help Your Child With Homework - For Asian Parents".

CoolParentingTips.com is Asia's Number 1 Parenting Newsletter dedicated to providing Caring Parents like you with articles and resources relating to Parenting for Early Childhood to Teenagers.

So I hope you will find this resource useful for your parenting career.

Have a nice day.....we, parents deserve it too.....ha....ha...

David

The Birds & The Bees

Hi,

So how many of you are comfortable to talk about the birds and the bees?

Or to be blunt, talk about SEX with your kids!

Because of the recent highlight on sexuality workshop being conducted in school and some parents were concerned about the mention of homosexuality or lesbian aspects of it even though this part was just a few minutes of the workshop.


I am referring to the Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE) programme that have been conducted in some school upon request as this was developed by the AWARE and supported by MOE.

Since the coaches were specially chosen and trained and MOE has approved or endorsed it, I would think that it is safe to be conducted in the schools. As it is a very sensitive subject, it is impossible to please all the parents and satisfy their concerns.

I like to ask the parents this, do you think you have sufficient knowledge to do it yourself?

Or rather do you have the time and communicate well with your kids, in the first place?

If yes, then good for you and you should not then be worry as you have already cultivated your set of values and your kids should be able to then decide for themselves.

In today digital era, your kids can easily find what they want on sexuality on the Internet so do you want them to interpret themselves without proper guidance from you or the school or CSE?

In fact, they are most likely to discuss it among their friends.

So in short, both parents and school + CSE programmes are important to guide the kids.

In my days, my parents did not guide me and neither did my school so I have to learn the hard way and from my Biology lessons.

I understand that Jason was taught about sexuality in Primary 6 and Secondary 1 these days. I came across it and we talked about it a bit.

I am not sure if I have been open enough or cover sufficient details but I must also admit that it is not easy to talk about it though we are very open. So I hope my discussion + what the schools have covered on this topic is adequate and he would ask if he wants more details.

On one hand, some parents like to pass the buck to the school and teachers. But on the other hand, they may not be happy if they heard that topic like homosexuality was mentioned as they are against it.

I feel that at the end of the day, the parents are still responsible for their kids so this is one of our responsibilities too; to talk about sex with out kids.

Hopefully, we have instill sufficient values in them and they will know what to decide or do when confronted with difficult or uneasy situations.

Because of this recent issue reported in the press, I just made an appointment with my son to have another talk on sex after his mid-year exam.

So parents, do your job and not pass the buck......

David

Cats In The Cradle by Harry Chapin

My brother passed me this lyrics when we were both still studying overseas, in Melbourne, Australia.

I think we did not really see the significant of the song as much as today.

We like to call each other 'son' until today and even his son asked him why I call him 'son' as it was weird.

I really do not remember exactly the reason other than we were always trying to give advice to each other back then even though one is older than the other.

This song is so meaningful that I am going to list the lyrics below for you to read if you are not familiar with the song.


In short, it is a about a father so busy that he does not have time for his son. When he grew old and wanted to see his grown up son, his son also has no time for him. The song ended by saying that the boy has grown up just like me.... ( ie. the father got back a taste of his own medicine....).

I am glad to say that I am giving my only son lots of my time at the sacrifice of my own career etc.... While I would not fault my father for not giving me much of his time or even guidance when I was growing up then.... I suppose those days were different from today....?

But as parents, I like to caution you or tell you that you should not expect your kids to be grateful or appreciative of your sacrifices now as they will not understand what parents are doing until they themselves become parents one day. I told my wife that we are doing what we are doing as we are his parents and we should not see it as sacrifices but our duty to be there for him etc.....


So here is the lyrics ......

====================================

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home dad?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came home from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

====================================

My father is the only son in the family of 6 children and he has to work to support all of them; even when they were married as their husbands were not earning much!

My siblings and I were brought up by my grandma and aunties as my mother would travel with my father in his work all over Malaysia. So my parents have never seen me run or play soccer for my school; for example. We would look for our own tuition teachers and also applied to study overseas on our own.

Today, time has changed and despite our busy work schedules, we would somehow find the time for our kids...... eg. I would stay up with Jason until he slept and then I would do my office work until 1am or so. Even then, I neglected him a bit on a few occassions.

I am sure we all have our own challenges in our home or work and some of us may not be able to spend as much time as we would like with our kids, right?

Well, let this song reminds you of what you may miss or regret when you are retired and old.

So , parents find or make time for your kids before it is too late and it has to start when they are babies ...... I believe the first ten years with them is so important as it will set up the appropriate foundation for an everlasting relationship.

Do not wait until they are in puberty or early teens to try to give them time as it is a bit too late as this is the time that they want to 'fly' and be independent or with their friends.

Think about it.....

Happy parenting....

David

Be Involved In Your Kids Activities

Hi,

We just spent the past 2 weeks supporting Jason in his runs in the school national athletic meet and school sports day.

In the first place, Jason invited us to see him run else no matter how much we want to be present, we would not intrude into his space or privacy.

Also, it helped that we managed to have some time on hand and we are into sports so we were very enthusiastic in supporting him and his school.

The national meet started on Mon 13 Apr and ended on Thu 23 Apr. Jason has to miss school lessons for a few days as he has to be at the stadium a few hours early before his run to get ready and warm up accordingly. Besides, Chao Chu Kang stadium is about 1.5 hours away from home by MRT and bus!

He has to carbo-load and I massaged his legs daily to help him recover and prepare for the next run. When he has his run in the afternoon, we have to time his lunch at least 2 hours before the run. We ate at Pizza Hut to carbo-load him.

My wife was the No. 1 supporter, in the sense that she was also presence in all his runs and was cheering him and his team-mates during the run. We were the only parents present until the final day, we saw a few more parents supporting their kids.

We enjoyed being part of the whole event and being there for Jason. In fact, I thanked him for inviting us and letting us be part of the whole experience. It also reminded me of my school days when I ran for my school too.

Here are a few photos taken during this national meet

Mum on the extreme right and the 2 teachers in-charge of the team. Jason in the background with 2 of his mates.

The 4x400m team with the Coach.

Jason was also in the 4x100m relay team that got into the final too but again, missed out on winning a medal. The team performed better than expected too.

Then Jason's school sports day was held immediately after the national meet, held on Fri 24 Apr.

Jason won a medal for all the 5 events he ran; 2 Golds, 2 Silvers and 1 Bronze.

800m & 4x400m - GOLD

200m & 4x100m - SILVER

400m - Bronze

Again, Mum was the No. 1 supporter and cheering for all the runners we knew from the national meet; shouting their names in front of their parents who were also present. We might have shocked them a bit....ha....ha......

By now, Jason's mates are used to seeing us supporting them.

I took photos and video of all their runs as requested by Jason. His friends would ask him or even me to view their runs.

The 4x400m relay team that won the Gold and broke the school record too!

Through this, we have also met Jason's mates and got to know his circle of friends and a few of their parents, not forgetting the coaches too.

So I hope you can find the time to get involved in your kids activities and take the opportunity to bond with them and also get to know their friends too, and their teachers etc....

David

Letting Go Of Your kids

I just have lunch with a friend who is actively involved with counselling work.

We were talking about teenagers and the problems faced by them and parents.

He made a comment and that was to let them go and do their own thing with minimum supervision.

These teenagers would not appreciate what their parents are trying to advise or guide them, most of the time.

So it is very tough for parents to not try to guide and advise them but at the same time, we do not want to 'nag' them and drive them away from us.

It is tough to be 'perfect' or 'balanced' in letting them go......... sigh

I suppose we, parents, just have to make sure that we are not at the extremes; ie totally neglect our kids or nag them excessively.

I must admit that I too sometimes may have over done it a bit and 'nag' my son thinking that I am sharing with him some of my life experiences.

Importantly, we just have to decide on the maturity of our kids and decide when and what is appropriate to let them do on their own.

Happy parenting........

David

Our Dream And Our Kids Dreams

Hi,

I refer to the following article that appeared int Today papers on Wed 8 April 2009.



In short, what we want our kids to be may not be what they want to be...!

When Jason was young, he wanted to be a WWF wrestler, then EPL soccer player....

He even asked me the possibility of going to UK to pursue his soccer career....!

Lately, he wants to be a Teacher but in Mathematics and not in sports....surprisingly!

I am in the IT profession but I have never tried to get him interested in it and I am not disappointed at all too.

BTW, by sheer coincidence, I played soccer for my secondary school and my father also played soccer at club level. So we have 3 generations involved in soccer.

I also ran 400m and 4x400m relay for my secondary school and Jason happens to be doing the same now...! In fact, he was talent spotted when he came in first during last year cross-country race at Bedok reservoir as his school CCA is soccer.

When I was a Parent Volunteer at his Temasek Primary School and subsequently, a Lecturer in Temasek Polytechnic, Jason was very supportive and proud of what I am doing.

But I have never encouraged him to teach so it must be the respect and influence that he saw in his teachers.....?

So you can see that his ambition was greatly influenced by his environment and parents must also play a part to provide some guidance and help our kids to achieve his dream or ambition if it is a decent and achievable one.

Fortunately, my parents have never forced me to be someone that I would not want to be. Like them, I just want Jason to have a reasonable job that he likes and earn sufficient to support himself and his family.

I still remember a staff of mine telling me that she hates swimming as her parents forced her to train to be a champion swimmer at a very young age.

You could have also read of people handing over the degree certificate to their parents, upon graduation, and then went off to pursue their own ambition or dream job.

I hope you do not want to be that type of parent and make your kids resent you for the rest of their life.

Let your kids pursue their dreams as long as it is a decent one and it provide them 3 meals a day......

Happy Parenting....!

David

SPS Soccer Team - 2nd Place Win

Hi,

We are proud that St.Patrick Secondary 'B' Boys soccer team won the 2nd placing yesterday as I am told that SPS has not done that well in recent years.

We were invited by Jason to watch him play yesterday afternoon at Temasek Polytechnic stadium.

A reserved goalkeeper and utility player too, up field.

A good volley indeed...!

SPS 'B' Boys Soccer Team

David

Celebrate Your Children's Triumphs

Hi,

Came across this interesting article in The New Paper on 5 Apr 2009.

In short, we should celebrate your children's achievements as long as they have given their best.

1st place or a Gold medal is always ideal, but 2nd or 3rd or even completing the race itself is an achievement too for participating in the competition.

Similarly, I may push my son to study for his exam. but on that day itself, I always tell him that he has prepared himself well and so whatever the outcome, we will still love him as he has done his best. We always wanted him to be assured and calm before he sits for his exam.

Though there is a tendency to ask our children how the exam went when they come home, we now just focus on the next paper as it is over so no point to cry over it.

If he has not done well, it would upset him and he may not focus for the next paper. If he claims that he has done well, he may be over confident for the next paper. So the best approach is to move on and tackle the next paper.

2 weekends ago, Jason ran in the 4x100m relay and the team came in first in their heats but missed the final by 0.2 seconds overall. I told him that it was a good run by the team but it was most unfortunate and just focus on the next run ahead. Luckily, he took it quite well.

Later today, I will be supporting his school soccer team in the final match. Win or lose, a medal is assured. I wished him luck this morning and told him that we are proud of his achievements. We wanted to have dinner with him but he asked to celebrate it with his team-mates instead and we agreed to it.

The school has awarded him a certificate of achievement and a medal too for hiscoming in 7th placing in the Nationals 4x400m relay last year. A very good and encouraging gesture indeed!

So remember to be supportive and celebrate all your children's victories, big or small, or even just the mere participation for exposure to the competition.

Happy Parenting.......!

David

PC Game Counter-Strike Sharpens Vision

Hi,

TODAY 30 March 2009 reported that a study showed that the fast paced PC game, Counter-Strike, improves vision.

Far from being harmful to eyesight, action games like Counter-Strike provide excellent training for what eye doctors call contrast sensitivity.

Contrast sensitivity is the ability to notice tiny changes in shades of grey against a uiform background, and is critical to everyday activities such as night driving and reading.

It often degrades with age.

Of course, excessive gaming or addiciton is bad!

BTW, it was also reported last year that surgeons trained or enhanced their pinhole surgery abilities by playing PS2 consoles.

As mentioned in my earlier posting on gaming, the whole family including my maid is now playing Bejeweled Twist and it provided some bonding amongst us. We also notice that Jason picked up the game very fast and his eye can see the pattern so much faster than us. After teaching us his strategies, all of us started to have very high scores now.

So do not condemn gaming totally as it is more of managing it well within the family even though it can be additive at times but with family support, it can be more of an entertainment and family bonding too.

Happy Gaming!

David

P.S. BTW, the community is supporting gaming as I just came across a gaming competition amongst schools at Funan IT Mall during the recent one week school holiday. One of the popular games now is World Tour Guitar Hero and it was the main feature of the tournament too.

Gaming - Parents Be Aware

Hi,

I have written about gaming earlier but am compelled to say a few more words about it since there was this article published recently.


We cannot run away from gaming or deprieve our kids from it as they are born into this digital age.

Importantly, I must stress that parents must be aware of the gaming that they are involved and manage it well.

Do not fall into the trap whereby you used gaming to keep them occupied and give you some free time or time to do your chores.

If you get involved and manage it well early, I do not see any problem with gaming.

If you only notice the addiction or so-called violence in your kids when they are in their early teens or puberty, it will be very tough indeed to correct them.


Jason was exposed to PC gaming at the early age of 4 but I was there to guide him and even played with him.

At one stage, we have PS2 and Xbox consoles in addition to PC. If managed well, all these can be home entertainment and help in family bonding.

The latest craze is the Wii and it has been reported that family members got together to play games like tennis and golf.

Jason wanted one but I refused his request as he wanted to play this game, Guitar Hero.

He has 3 real or proper guitars so why has a game to press buttons on a toy guitar, I asked him! He told me it is the challenge to play the game.

Anyway, I managed to convince him that it is a bit too expensive as a set will cost about S$500 and his guitar is about SS$300. I rather upgrade his guitar instead than a toy guitar, make sense isn't it?

You may also want to read my earlier posts at

http://parentingmemoriesofmychild.blogspot.com/2008/12/gaming-consoles-like-ps2-xbox-psp.html

http://parentingmemoriesofmychild.blogspot.com/2008/12/early-exposure-to-pc-gaming.html

http://parentingmemoriesofmychild.blogspot.com/2009/02/beware-computer-obsessed-kids.html

Our children are known as Digital Natives and we the Digital Immigrants....!

Happy Parenting.....

David

P.S. BTW, the whole family ,including our maid, is now playing this PC game called Bejeweled Twist. We are competing yet sharing strategies on how to get the highest score. So if we manage it well, this can also bond us in addition to being a source of family entertainment.

Spending Time With Your Kids

Hi,


Typically, mothers are the ones that spent the most time with their kids unless both parents are working.

Eventually, the children reach puberty and they will like to be on their own and have friends to hang around. Not so cool to be seen with the parents.....

In no time, your children will be working and the parents are retired and start to miss the children!

It is true so think about it and start spending more time with your children especially during the period when they are below 10 years old.




This article sums up well what I am trying to say above.

I tried to make weekend family time but with the many CCAs spilling into the weekends, we are losing our family time lately.



But we really make an effort to have dinner together or just watching a movie, TV or just hanging around in our study room.




Play your role as their parents now and not when you are retired and lonely at home but they have already started their own career and family too.

It is all about time management and making an effort to make it happen.

Many things can wait for us but not your growing children who really needs you more than you know.

So start today if you feel that you have not been making time for your kids!

David

Jason's 16th Birthday

Hi,

17 March 2009 is Jason's 16th birthday......!

We have dinner last Saturday at Swenson restaurant and then his birthday cake at home.


Time flies and Jason is 16 today.... he will be going out with some friends this evening to celebrate his birthday.









He indicated what he would like to have for his present and he wanted a surprise when I tried to discuss with him on what we should get for him.



So we bought him a MP3 with a large 2.5 " screen and it can play video too. He loves it!

We bought a Happy Birthday banner for him too to make it special this year.

Happy Sweet 16th Birthday, Jason!

Loves,

Mum & Daddy Poh

Garage Sale

Hi,

We bought so many toys for Jason when he was young and some were gifts from friends too.

One day, we talked about it and I suggested having a garage sale so that we can use the money to buy new toys and also recover some storage space too.

We went through the toys and selected what we wanted to sell and I put stick-it notes with prices on them.

We also make up a garage sale notice and photocopy 100 copies to advertise our sale.

One evening we walked around the neighbouring streets to put the notices into our neighbours mailing boxes. Mid-way, Jason complained that he was tired but I forced him to complete the job.

So on the garage sale day, a Sunday, we displayed those toys at our car porch and waited for our customers.

Honestly, we did not expected to have such a poor response. We only got 2 families dropping by and made 2 sales only.

By 4pm, Jason wanted to close shop but I told him that the notice said we closed at 5pm so we have to honour it.

It was indeed an interesting experience for us and I hope Jason learned something from it too.

He looked like one of those workers in the hawker centres with a pouch around his waist.....isn't he cute...!

You sould try something like this with your kids too and good luck too!

David

Some Old Photos Of Jason

Hi,

I found a few of these old photos of Jason that brought back memories of his growing up.

Thinking back, I missed those days and I even remember that telling him that I hope time could stood still.

Jason was so cute as a young kid then and I enjoyed playing with him so much; eg soccer, wrestling on the bed,....

Jason playing PS2 with his best friend, Ryan Tay.

Ryan & his family has gone to live in Geelong, Australia now.

Jason and Ryan posing as .....PowerRangers..?

Notice that both of them are wearing England soccer jersey too!

Jason in his Spiderman costume.

Jason posing as The ROCK.....look at his left eyebrow......!

Well, some of you must be objecting to your kids being exposed to such a 'violent' sport but all I can say is that parents must be involved in your kids interests and manage them well.

Jason has lost interest in wrestling and move on to other teenager interests now.

But what a cute photo...!

BTW, I am donating the 2 wrestling belts to Red Cross soon....they are not cheap either so hopefully, some parents should find them a good bargain for their kids.

David

Time with Grandparents

Hi,

My parents are living in Penang, Malaysia and we make an effort to visit them at least once a year or they would visit us in Singapore too.

My mum-in-law lives in Toa Payoh and we used to drop by for dinner at least twice a week after work and school. It used to be a meeting place too for Jason to catch up with his cousins. Since my mum-in-law has stopped cooking for us, we only catch up during the weekends at her place on a fortnightly basis.

I am keen that Jason have sufficient contact time with his grandparents as that what they look forward to; ie seeing their grandchildren. Also, by showing how we care for our parents, I hope he will learn our family values and will care for us too when we are at that age.

Children learn by example, seriously. So it is important that we cultivate such family values into them.

Honestly, as Jason grew older into his teens and sometimes the timings to meet his cousins at my mum-in-law's place may not be feasible. He would feel bored and rather be at home; eg playing his PC games etc....

However, I explained to him that the grandparents look forward to seeing him and they might leave us anytime so we should make an effort to spend time with them; even if it is just an hour only.

Today, he is receptive to the fortnightly visit to see his grandmother even if his cousins could not turn up.

Similarly, last year when I have to go back often to Penang to take my father to the hospital for his follow-up on his colon cancer recovery, it could be quite boring to be taking short holidays to the same place, Penang!

But I am glad that my family went back with me most of the time unless there was a conflict with work or school schedule. I also tried to make it more interesting by staying at the Penang beach resort for a night or two.

Here are a few photos of Jason with his grandparents :







We took my father to China as it was his wish to visit China at least once before it is too late.










We visited Penang and my father took us to a seafood restaurant by a river in the mainland.












My wife and Jason with his grandmother at her 80th birthday.












So please find the time to connect with your children with their grandparents. This is also family bonding time too.


Happy Parenting....


David

Outdoor Activities - Soccer, Swimming, Cycling

Hi,

You should get your children to do some outdoor sports or games like soccer, cycling, jogging, basketball, swimming, etc...

I believe that all children should learn to swim and cycle as these are basic skills that they will use one day.

At one time, there were quite a handful of kids drowning in private pools in condominiums while visiting their friends, etc...

Besides, Singapore is an island so we should be able to swim as a basic surviving skill.

Why cycle? It is easier to learn when they are young. Also, if they go to the park or camps, they can rent bicycles and cycle together. Also, if they ever go overseas to study and work, cycling is a common means of transport in places like Holland, US, China, ......


I used to cycle to school during my secondary school days in Malaysia.

Jason was keen on soccer and I trained him the basic skills in an open field near our home. It was tough on my two knees but it was fun and we also have a great time bonding together.

Jason eventually played soccer for his Temasek Primary School and continue to do so for his St. Patrick's Secondary School now. We are proud of his achievements in soccer including street soccer too.


BTW, I also played soccer for my secondary school and so did my father who played at club level in Penang.









Jas posing in our garden; one of my favourite photos of him!

















Warming up; our house is just near this field which has been turned into a street soccer court and called Aida Park now.

Jason running with the soccer ball; nice shot!

Father and son.....!

So, find some time to do outdoor activities with your children ...... great bonding.... and also they will be learning some lifetime skills too.....

Happy Parenting.....

David

Beware Computer Obsessed Kids

Hi,

I extracted this from TODAY Mon February 9, 2009 .

Importantly, be involved with your kids when introducing them to PC, gaming console like Xbox, PS2, PSP, Wii, etc......

Know what they are playing and how often and how long too....

Also, get them involved with outdoor activities like swimming, cycling, going to the communitiy libraries to read or borrow books, etc...

If you do not get involved early and then you realised that it is time for their PSLE, 'O' level exams,....... or worst still, they are in puberty....., it will be very tough on you to change them at this crucial stages in their lives.

So start early and and not used these facilities like PC and video gaming to keep your kids occupied so that you can get on with your own committments.

I know of friends with kids who play their PC games until late at night and their lifestyle is quite a mess.... leading to family quarrels, etc....

One kid got beaten up the following day in school by his friend over some mis-understanding as they were playing in a network game the previous night.

One kid could not stop as he was playing until certain high level and then managed to sell his character or weapon (?) for $50. He thought it was good money but can you make a career out of it long term?

I have no objections to gaming but parents should be involved and be observant that their kids do not become addicted to it.

Please read my earlier postings on gaming if you have missed them at

http://parentingmemoriesofmychild.blogspot.com/2008/12/early-exposure-to-pc-gaming.html

http://parentingmemoriesofmychild.blogspot.com/2008/12/gaming-consoles-like-ps2-xbox-psp.html

I think this could be a serious problem today but parents can manage it if they are aware of the consequences of lack of control or involvement in their kids gaming activities.

David

We Cannot Have Own Children Custom Made

Hi,

I was having a conversation with my brother and he said that we cannot choose our relatives but we can choose our friends...!

So it got me thinking about it.........

Well, we are born into a family but we meet strangers and make friends with those we can get along well.

Today, we can try to influence the sex of our baby being conceived, based on what I have read but I will not go into details on it.

But we cannot have our child custom made like buying a Cabbage Doll; eg a baby that will grow up to 6 ft all, weigh 70 kg, good in sports like football, and straight As student, etc.....

Neither can the baby choose his or her parents....!

Since we choose to be parents, we have to be responsible for the children we brought into this world and not rely on the teachers or school or our live-in maids.

I may sound harsh but if the children fail in their lives, I think the parents have to take responsibility for the upbringing that could have caused such failures especially if they were not given sufficient love and guidance.

The main point I am driving at is that it is very much up to the parents to guide and groom the baby to what we want him to be; ie teaching him the proper family and social values and eventually, as he grows older, he is able to make good judgements and improve or enhance all these values as he sees fit.

The child will eventually be a parent himself and the whole cycle will be repeated.

With the proper guidance on social values, he will also choose his friends wisely and create long lasting friendships in the various stages of his life.

But he cannot choose who are his parents, grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins, and members in the family tree.

Yes, it is so true that we cannot choose our relatives but we can choose our friends!

David

School Concerts

Hi,

If your children is performing in any of their school concerts, please make an effort to attend them even if they are playing a small role.

They will be excited and proud to see you there and I am sure the reverse is true too.

Jason was active in drama during his Primary school days and we were always there to support him.

Many parents would be present and busy taking photos or video of their kids too.

Here are a few photos taken of Jason :

Kinderland concert in 1995.

Temasek Primary school concerts....

Jason acting as a Pirate...!

Jason was in the Speech and Drama Club so he acted every year except in Primary 6 when we cut down many of his activities, in preparation for his PSLE exam.

He also auditioned and was invited by one of the drama recording companies contracted by MediaCorp, to act in one of those Kids Central drama. It was a small part but took the whole day and was paid a very small sum only. Good experience but we felt that it was not worth it.

I strongly advise you to find the time to catch some of your children concerts, if not all, as these will be sweet memories that will last forever and you would be glad that you were there.

Happy Parenting......!

David

Sending Your Kid To School

Hi,

When Jason started his Primary school nearby, my Filipino housekeeper accompanied Jason to & fro school as it was just a 10 minutes walking distance from home.

However, my wife and I tried our best to knock off from our office on time to reach his school to collect him home, at least once a week.

Thinking back, I can still feel the excitement of rushing to his school to surprise him, I can still remember how happy he was to see us and walk out to us.

These are moments that we, as parents, will always remember but do not blame your kid if he does not remember it as he could be too young but this sort of bonding will eventually pay or show positive impact on the child's development; eg. he knows he is being loved and care for.



I made an effort to wake up early to see Jason to the door though the Filipino housekeeper walked him to the school every morninig.

Here we have Jas back from school and playing with his 2 dogs; Jack & John.

We taught him to take the feeder bus when he was at Primary 4, after noticing that his classmates were able to travel on their own. His school has also shifted to its new premise but still reasonably nearby ( ie still walkable but maybe 20-30 minutes away ).

So find that time to send your child to school and/or collect your child from school even if it is once in a while.

Happy Parenting...... !

David Poh

Traditions Bond The Family

Hi,

Today is the eve of the Lunar New Year.

We instilled some traditions to Jason and I believe it helps to bond the family as some of these activities involved all the members of the family.

Needless to say, the most important one for this occasion is our Reunion Dinner.

We have our Reunion Dinner a week ago at my mum-in-law home to suit everyone working schedule and have our own family reunion dinner this evening, steamboat dinner.

Jason is now helping Mummy to wrap the 'ang pow' or red packets and he has been doing so for the past years as I am writing this blog.

We also went to Chinatown to soak in the festivities and to do some last minute shopping.

Mummy choosing some of the candies from Japan while Jason was amazed by the variety and colourful packing.

We are also staying up till past mid-night on the eve to ensure long life for our respective parents......

I hope Jason will continue some of these traditions with his own family as I believe it helps in bonding us together.

So wishing you a Healthy and Prosperous Lunar New Year in 2009....!

David



P.S. Latest update : I also take the opportunity to have a family photo taken during this occassion. Initially, the family did not co-operate very well but it has now been taken as my own tradition to do it...ha..ha... and everyone is ready for that family photo these days.

I even frame it for display in the house. You can see Jason slowly growing up as the years go by. So you should consider doing it before you lost all those years of memories.

This photo was taken yesterday, 1st day of Lunar New Year, at the garden below my Mum-in-law apartment. Outdoor shots are much better than using a flash indoor.

David - Tue 27Jan 2009