This is quite a controversial issue and I think it also depends a lot on our family upbringing, culture and where you are living too.
Recently, there was quite a debate or news on this matter as a Father caned his son quite badly and was reported to the Police by the neighbour. The father has been sentenced to jail and also sent for counselling. Without going into details, I will leave this as it is.
It brought back memories of how I have disclipined Jason when he was young.
Somehow, I was the 'bad' cop and Mum was the 'good' cop..... you know this playacting that you see in the movies or TV shows....?
I must admit that I am a bit bad temper by nature but I have simmered down a lot as I aged and more at peace with myself ( maybe through recent meditation and revisitng my Buddha teachings, etc ..?). So we were always concerned that I might hit Jas too hard and hurt him.
I remember that I do not have a cane at home but in the midst of talking to my colleagues, one of them told me that she caned her daughter, her only child. After that, I thought about it and I bought a cane. Of course, my parents and wife were not too happy about it though I said that I would use it as a threat or cane him lightly.
You see, the rationale was that the kids are too young to understand what we are telling them so the most effective way is to inflict some pain so that they know that it hurts if you did something wrong. ( Many years later, when I was in Jas's Primary school, I was appalled that the teachers were shouting at the children to stop running etc... But when I joined the school as a Parent Volunteer, I understood that the children react fast when shouted at rather than pulled them aside and explain why they are wrong, etc.....).
Ok, I can guess some of you are not in agreement with me, and that's fine as I said this may have a lot to do with our culture, upbringing and where we lived ( ie the country ).
This is my personal experience so let's not get into a debate on who is right or wrong and what is correct or not.
So you must be curious what happened after I bought the cane?
Well, there are no cane marks on Jason...!
True enough, I used it to threathen him and I also used it to let go my anger by hitting the cane against furniture like the wooden door or stairs ( you can still see the cane marks there, today ). Of course, everyone almost freak out in case I really use it on him then.
Was it effective?
I think so..... as I really think that he is too young to understand why he should not be doing things that we did not approve.
Importantly, I always told my wife to explain to him why he was 'caned' and then made him apologise to me. The same if Jas upsetted my wife. We would hug each other and that was the end of the episode.
When we visited my brother in Melbourne, Australia, he reminded me that caning was not accepted there and I may be accused of child abuse, etc.... So no beating or spanking of Jas in public if he was naughty! Well, in all our visits there, Jason was well behaved so no problem.
Honestly, I do feel hurt myself when I lost my temper and shout at him etc...... but I tried not to hit him even with my bare hands as the force would have been too great for the little fellow.
I stopped using the cane when he started Primary School as he was old enough to understand why we felt that he was naughty and deserved punishment like no TV etc....
I really do not have any memories of spanking him so badly when he was a baby or pre-school days. Though I remember my wife and I would be quarelling a bit when I lost my temper, for fear that I might hit Jason too hard I suppose.
Please do not get me wrong that I totally support caning! But if I could find a more effective way to get the same results, I would use the alternate way.
You have to choose the best way to discipline your kids and it is very likely that you could be influenced by your cultural and upbringing, not forgetting to mention which country you are living in too.
So happy parenting as it can be fun!
David
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